When we were Family

December 23, 2005, Friday

Feeling very blessed tonight.  Also very seen, and very embraced.  Actually more than 3D, even - something radiating and alive and humming with vibrancy.

Last night, my Dad and my Sister and her family came up to Fiance's house for a dinner of Costco pizzas and four different kinds of shish-kebabs that I had made yesterday morning and the night before.  Fiance's parents were there from Montana, as were the step-daughters' surrogate grandparents from Whidbey Island.

After dinner we all piled into three cars and went to Lights of Christmas at Warm beach for several hours of family time together.  It rained hard, but only for a while. It was a beautiful evening of enjoying beautiful Christmas lights.

Today, I drove around for far too long, down to Bellevue Square Mall to buy a set of glasses (30 "window-pane" glasses for $19.99 but then $10 off with a mail coupon from Fiance), up to Cost Plus in Woodinville to buy a basket to put the gifts for the surrogate grandparents into, then almost two hours in traffic to get to Fiance's house, arriving late after the surrogate grandparents were already there.

But we had a nice meal, and a nice evening of fellowship and gifting and dessert and chatting.

When the surrogate grandparents left, Grandma embraced me warmly, and I noticed how spontaneous was my feeling of love and emotion for her, and that I automatically thought of her as "Grandma" (to the step-daughters). Her embrace felt is sincere and is loving and accepting.

Later, when I went to leave, I received hugs from all, Youngest Step-Daughter enthusiastically, Oldest Step-Daughter seemingly reluctantly at first but then fully, so that I can't figure it out, Fiance's Mom fully and deeply and warmly and all the while gushing about the dinner (kebabs) I made last night and thanking me for it - it was very warm and loving and embracing; then there was Fiance's Dad - by then I felt like I was saying goodbye for awhile instead of just until tomorrow!  He embraced me close and seemed to press his face (on the side) to the side of my head as though to give me a kiss on the head (as Fiance does and which I love so much).

Somewhere in the goodbyes, Fiance's Mom reached out and quickly rubbed the sweater on my arm near the elbow and said, "Oh that's soft!" Wow, she was reaching out in a special and intimate and vulnerable way now so far between her and I.  

It makes me sad now to reflect on all that we've lost, now that it's all "former." And it is a showy reminder of how much positive energy I put into everything I did with and for Fiance and the step-daughters.